The Bikes Of Neukölln City
THE CHRONIC (The Bike) - ‘Turquoise Hexagon Sun of Neukoelln’
Name: The Chronic (The Bike)
Owner: Toni
Advantages: Looking awesome, good handling, three gears, cool
Disadvantages: -
Approximate Date of Purchase: 2009
Place of Purchase: Found it in the basement of owners house, ex-bike from ex-roommates girlfriend
Cost: -
Status: Active (On the streets of Neukölln)
CARL SAGAN - ‘Exploring the universe… and beyond’
Name: Carl Sagan
Owner: Reuben
Advantages: Speed, lightweight, so many gears. Uber geil, super-awesome. Perfect for getaways.
Disadvantages: Bright green, visually. A target for theft. Chain sometimes comes off when going over 40mph.
Approximate Date of Purchase: April 2011
Place of Purchase: Outside the Doner Box shop at Ostkreuz S-Bahn station
Cost: 5 euro
Status: Active. Recently repaired.
HERCULES MORSE - ‘More Powerful Than A Horse…’
Name: Hercules Morse
Owner: Petty
Advantages: Light and awesome 70s frame, 3 speed (all you need), great back brakes. Red, faster than most other coloured bikes
Disadvantages: Red, attracts the burglar
Approximate Date of Purchase: Sept 2008
Place of Purchase: Treptower Markets
Cost: 50 euro
Status: STOLEN - March 2009 (RIP)
BLACK REBEL CYCLE - “Takin’ Them On, On Your Bike”
Name: Black Rebel Cycle
Owner: Desmond Fontane
Advantages: Rides like a Harley. Handles snow.
Disadvantages: Guzzles the WD40
Approximate Date of Purchase: Can’t remember
Place of Purchase: Stole it but it was actually found unlocked actually
Cost: $0
Status: Active as
NENNETH - “Kenneth with an ‘N’ …”
Name: Nenneth
Owner: Reuben
Advantages: Basket, chick magnet, good at picking up ultimate speed on the downhill between Boddinstrasse U Bahn and Hermannplatz. Good for doubling as basket is removable.
Disadvantages: Weak wheels
Approximate Date of Purchase: May 2010
Place of Purchase: Mauer Park
Cost: 40 Euros
Status: DECOMMISSIONED. Wheel was destroyed after doing a massive skid with the front brakes and putting owners full weight on it.
SMASH TIME - ‘The Blackest Beauty’
Name: smash time
Owner: Jeff
Advantages: black with no lights - great getaway bike, back wheel lock
Disadvantages: black with no lights - invisible to car drivers (hence the name smash time), wonky alignment from one such smash, which leads to a chain reaction of smashing into other things.
Approximate Date of Purchase: october 2007
Place of Purchase: antique store in prenzlauerberg
Cost: 275 e’s
Status: alive and well
GALAXY PIG
Name: Galaxy Pig
Owner: Cathrin
Rider: Kim (k - Drive)
Advantages: excellent basket, formidably sturdy
Disadvantages: no lights, incredibly heavy, very slow, right handle loose
Approximate date/time of purchase: Did not purchase, was hand-me-down
Place of purchase: N/A
Cost: N/A
Status: Missing (on the streets of Neukolln)
SEX IN THE CITY - ‘Lost And Free In This World Of Wonders’
Name: Sex In The City
Owner: Sam Edward
Advantages: Beauty -she turns heads, Handles well under intoxication, No front breaks, Doubling capabilities, offers cruise control for smoking cigarettes.
Disadvantages: - Bell/Light is currently not functional & front guard is coming off
Approximate Date of Purchase: May 2010
Place of Purchase: Flea Market Boxhagener Platz
Cost: 47 euro
Status: Active
BIRGIT - ‘The Busty Frau’
Name: Birgit
Owner: Emma
Advantages: Most. And an original Diamant (DDR bike) in Communist Red.
Disadvantages: Is in Berlin, I am in Vancouver. And one day the entire pedal/cog combo flew off.
Approximate Date Of Purchase: It was probably June 2009 when I got her.
Place Of Purchase: ”Damen Salon” in Neukoelln. Sold to me for about 200euros more than she was worth by an advantageous bike man called Manu. His workshop has moved now, but I still made him do things for free when I found him to make up for the original rip off.
Status: Either in storage at studio Klang or Em is borrowing her so she can ride mit kinder.
THE FREE SPIRIT - ‘Taking Liberties Even With Liberty Itself’
Name: The Free Spirit
Owner: Nikki
Advantages: Hand painted by owner, appeared in several random hipster-fashion blogs, basket holds one pug and a watermelon, Respect: was once left unlocked for five hours in front of 8mm and was still there five hours later
Disadvantages: - Chain guard fell off, no front light, can’t fly (like Elliot’s bike in E.T.)
Approximate Date of Purchase: May 2009
Place of Purchase: Saved from an old East German grump at Boxi Flohmarkt
Cost: €50
Status: Currently undergoing paint and style enhancements
2ND PLACE - ‘Please Don’t Kill Me…’
Name: 2nd Place Aka Spick, Ric, Silver Coffin
Owner: James
Advantages: Achi likes to spin the pedals sometimes
Disadvantages: Loses in fights with tram lines, Doesn’t like to start or stop and seems to be allergic to turning
Approximate Date of Purchase: July 2011
Place of Purchase: Treptower Markets
Cost: 100 euro
Status: Active (ish)
LITTLE BUD -
Name: Little Bud
Owner: Freya
Advantages: Noone has legs short enough to want to steal it, easily carried up and down U-bahn stairs for when too drunk or lazy to cycle home
Disadvantages: Having to constantly answer the question: “did you steal that off a small child?”
Approximate Date of Purchase: Autumn 2011
Place of Purchase: Mainzer Markets
Cost: 20 euro
Status: Active
CLAUDIA - ‘The Bicycle Formerly Known As Steve’
Name: Claudia
Owner: Dord
Advantages: That flap thing at the back is good, Could be left unlocked without being stolen, until the night I broke my ankle falling off her and left her unlocked and she was stolen.
Disadvantages: Being a piece of shit that I won’t forget. I hate that I still love her.
Approximate Date of Purchase: 2009
Place of Purchase: Treptower Markets
Cost: 43 euro
Status: Unknown
THE PRICK - ‘Ride It’
Name: The Prick
Owner: Nick
Advantages: vibrant red which makes it appear faster, no one will ever steal it due to its ‘rough diamond’ image, a rad bell with a bright ‘brrrrinnng’ timbre, it transported a lady on the back a few times which eventually got me laid.
Disadvantages: always something wrong mostly involving the chain, unusual wheel shape, consistent light failure, depressive/low self esteem.
Approximate Date of Purchase: July 2009
Place of Purchase: Kottbusser Damm bridge, Neukolln.
Cost: 25 Euro, at least 100 Euro since on repairs.
Status: being babysat by an Australian until my return.
ARABELLA - ‘Woman’s Name, Man’s Body’
Name: Arabella
Owner: Cathleen Plant
Advantages: Tall. Silver. Transgender. Three speeds but rides like the wind. Crappy red seat cover with holes in, disguises the fact he/she rides like the wind and also discourages thieves. Has never lost a night light to petty criminals.
Disadvantages: No doubling possible. Once threw his/her owner off at the lights, while standing still. Whiskey was involved. Skinny wheels not good for snow and ice or tram lines.
Approximate Date of Purchase: Over two years ago
Place of Purchase: Mauerpark
Cost: 60 Euro
Status: Active
DORIS DAY (PROFILE TO FOLLOW)
