whatever or whatever etc.

Back in mid May lying around in a tiny London bedroom I knew my luck had changed when I stumbled upon a picture on the Internet of George Michael posing next to a zebra. I was immediately put into a great mood. It was about time a photographic union as powerful as this had been captured and published.

Minutes later my good fortune was upgraded as I received a message from my friend Jonny in regard to a Dutch artist named Bart Jansen, he said it was imperative I took a look at what the artist had created.

Jansen had turned his dead cat Orville into a taxidermed remote control helicopter called The Orvillecopter.

All my dreams came true at once. Finally someone had not only photographed George Michael standing around with a zebra, but also, halfway across the planet an artist had made a remote-controlled-dead-cat-helicopter.

Talk about a perfect day.

I found it imperative to write to Bart Jansen immediately.

My disappointment grew as time passed and I didn’t hear back from him, and I was forced to concentrate my affections and attention on the Michael/Zebra union.

But out of the blue, last week, I received word from the one and only Bart Jansen, in regard to the history and future of the Orvillecopter. Here is the complete correspondence below:

MY LETTER

Hi Bart Jansen (kooky inventor and cat lover),
Greetings from Berlin! How is Holland?

I will cut to the chase.

My friend Jonny has this minute just alerted me to your wonderful new invention the ‘Orvillecopter’, also known as your old cat ‘Orville’ which died and has been now turned into the world’s first remote control helicopter cat. I decided I had to write immediately, even though it is 2:38 in the morning and I am dog-tired.
Firstly, I must say I was not surprised that this finally happened. It really was only a matter of time before someone decided to turn a cat that had died in a car accident into a taxidermed remote controlled helicopter.  It had been on the cards for a while.

After all, it really is a brave new world we are living in.
I think you have really done something that will stand the test of time. This is a pioneering invention and mark my words, it won’t be long before somebody tries to market your idea into being used practically for modern day life.
I would like to ask you ten questions as I am genuinely fascinated by your incredible invention. I realise you are probably getting lots of attention at the moment, but if you have the time to answer them I would really appreciate it.

Also, I am actually a qualified journalist, not just some nutcase, in case you were wondering.

Also, I see on your website you have something else called the Proctorcopter. What the hell is that exactly?

Thanks for reading Bart Jansen. I hope you will humour me by answering these questions with as much detail as possible. Good on you for making something that nobody else has. You are a true artist and I applaud you for your ingenuity,
Kind regards
Reuben P. Bonner

BART’S REPLY WITH MY QUESTIONS INCLUDED:

Hi Reuben, sorry, I had this email half finished in my drafts-folder from the beginning of June, I’ll send it now, sorry for the delay.

cheers, Bart.

Thanks for your reaction! This is exactly the reaction that I like to trigger with my activities. Ok here it goes.

1.    Do you still refer to Orville as Orville? Or do you now refer to him as the Orvillecopter?

Most of the times I call him Orvillecopter, for Orville is no more. Still every now and again an ‘Orville’ slips through. But I don’t mind really.

2. Were you aware of any of your contemporaries who were trying to do a similar invention? Did you feel it was a race against time to be the first out there with the world’s first remote control helicopter cat?

I love the works by Tinkebell, Idiots, Les Deux Garcons, Martin uit den Boogaard, Thomas Grünfeld, Christiaan Zwanikken, etc. who all do very different things with animals remains.
By the way, all these artists use animals that were not bred for their skin or that died in captivity, I find animals quite beautiful, even after death.

3. Have you ever accidentally flown the Orvillecopter into a person or a surface that may have damaged Orville’s appearance?

No. The scars on Orvillecopters face are the scars from being hit by the car that killed him. It’s not allowed by the rules of RC-model flying to fly aircraft over people, so we don’t

4. Are you tempted to chase other cats around the neighbourhood with the Orvillecopter, to really rub it in to the other cats that they can’t in fact fly?

Haha, no, I don’t, we did chase some young cows away though.

5.The way his taxidermy has ended up, do you think Orville looks a little bit terrified? Do you think this is a good idea for the world’s first remote control helicopter cat? Did you consider making his face look a little bit more confident or brave?

Orville’s looks are looks of concentration, he’s busy doing something very careless for a cat, he is flying! He’s definitely not afraid. By the way, cats show fear in different ways, not by a facial expression that triggers human emotion.

6. Some of the comments on the Internet are saying what you have done is wrong, or sick. I totally disagree and think this is pretty much the highest way you could honour a beloved pet who has passed away. Do you agree? Or do you think there is a way to honour a beloved pet even more? Perhaps you could have turned Orville into the ‘Royal Remote Controlled Helicopter Cat’ for Queen Beatrix of Holland? (He could have had the Dutch flag painted on his side or something similar).

Ha! Great idea!, but I totally agree with you,

7.When he is not being flown, is Orville/Orvillecopter kept on a shelf more like a remote control helicopter? Or does he sit on the couch more like a cat?

During his off-hours, Orvillecopter spends time on shelves, or in his hangar.

8. Did you ever think of attaching small guns to the helicopter blades and turning Orville into a powerful fighting machine?

Yes I thought about it, actually, someone offered some lasers to put on Orvillecopter, but I don’t think I will, for a cat has enough weapons of it’s own.

9. Would it be possible for you to have a test run with Orville wearing a red bandanna a la Rambo? I think it would make for a great photograph don’t you?

No

10. Do you think you will make more remote control helicopter cats, or is Orville a one off?

Don’t know yet, there are definitely more flying objects coming up, but none of those are cats.

11. Orville was named after Orville Wright. Does this mean you have always been an aviation enthusiast? Look at where the Wright brothers started and where aviation is now. If you likened that to the Orvillecopter, imagine what could be out there in the future in regard to the progression of technology. By 2050 you potentially could have a remote controlled jumbo 737 made purely out of cats transporting people across the world. It sounds stupid, but I bet if you told someone in the 1900s that there would one day have been a remote controlled helicopter cat they would have scoffed at you. But who’s scoffing now.

The fact that Orville and his brother were named after The Wright Brothers was totally based on coincidence, in search for some famous brothers I found the Wright Brothers, and because they did something very special I decided for them. There are lots of brothers out there, of course

Also, I see on your website you have something else called the Proctorcopter. What the hell is that exactly?
Proctorcopter is a flying rat, though he is not remote-controlled, he is statically flying in rails

Sorry again for the late reply, I just had so many things to do, and just today I found this mail half-finished in drafts.

Thanks for your interest and good luck with everything.
Kind Regards,

Bart Jansen